I have the tendency of putting personal poems where they won't be read by the one they're for. I guess the reason is self-explainatory.

---

I hope you have time to listen,
'cause there’s something I need to say
This isn’t an obligation,
you’re free to turn away
So hate me, disappoint me
but please do not avoid me
We need to face the fact that you threw me away

I have kept my distance
I've let the time erase you
untill there was nothing left
but a person I once knew
I have shut the eyes
that once searched for perfection
'till all that's left for me to see
was my own reflection
I even hid away my feelings
and forgot my memories
but the feelings of loneliness I once had
are still not dead to me

I tried to be one of the loudest voices
while drinking beer and making wrong choices
All I had was not enough to hold on to
I lost my sanity, and I lost you

I also lost my innocence,
but I still was immature
You told me you loved me
but I needed to be sure
I envied you for your white skin
and all the clothes you wore
My existance was nothing next to yours
I felt like such a bore

The more walls that came between us,
the more I needed you near
disgracing myself with every word,
I screamed for you to hear
But instead of listening, you slowly turned away
I felt so emberrassed that I went to do the same
I don’t want to remember
forgetting is what I prefer
Just know that in my thoughts you’ll stay
the perfect friend you were

Now I don’t know if I should thank you
or apologise or say goodbye
Maybe you won’t ever forgive me
maybe you would try
I guess my behaviour was sickening
but I hope someday you’ll see
That the ignorant, disgraceful little thing,
wasn’t really me
I just wish I had kept my dignity
and swallowed my rotten pride
'Cause I'm sure without the jealousy
I could've kept you by my side
And who knows, someday I’ll even prove
my heart is honest again
So please stick around, ‘cause when I do,
I need you to be my friend

~ Aviva

I don't like excuses

The title is very important to understand this poem.
In this poem I released my most "evil" thoughts about a certain person. I hope she never ever reads this. Not that I've got anything to lose... not that there ever was anything to lose... But anyway, I could've been a bit nicer to express my feelings, but I didn't feel like it.
This poem is mainly about how someone crossed my lines but asking my attention and confirmation again and again. And because I was too lame to even know my own restrictions, I let her keep crossing them. I've learned my lesson about trusting people too soon.
She loved me, and needed me, untill I started telling the truth.
Anyways, it's funny how we tend to save our buttocks by telling lies, just to keep someone from being angry with you...

---

I really do like to be shy
or to be admired once a while.
Even though I think you're so kind,
and I wouldn't ever have made up my mind,
you know I wouldn't ever lie
to make you feel better at the time.

I try not to make a sound
but rapidly you turn around.
What kind of idiot do you take me for,
when asking me things you've asked me before.
I talk and talk just to avoid
the point that it's about.
I have to keep myself from saying things
that I'd really like to shout

"Don't you regret that one time?" there you go again.
I'd tell you I've changed my mind, but then
you wouldn't like me anymore,
and God knows, I do like to be adored

"What do you mean?"
"You know, that day we kissed..."
Of course, who would dare to reject
someone who slits her wrists.
So I say, "No," and that "This is the third time you asked."
She stutters and mutters, but it's clear to me
that I saw right through her mask.
(Which shows us that this conveniency
wasn't built to last,
'cause this used to be a funny game,
'till it became my daily task.)

You take adventage of my need to be excused
You think my ego is high, but it's bruised
We both make mistakes, but I'm constantly accused
And I feel like my kindness is being abused

~Aviva Creations

Rosemarie

Dear guests, I have a story to tell... and this time, it's not about me.
This poem is about a beautiful young woman named Rosemarie (with the stress(?) on the o and the ie), but I'll leave her to your imagination. Every man in the country desires her hand, but she turns them all down. People think she's cold-hearted, not capable of loving another. But there's one of her girlfriends who seems to know what's really the matter. She knows deep inside, Rosemarie knows it too, but is too afraid to admit. I'll leave the rest to your own imagination.
Don't take it too seriously, by the way. I meant it to be a tad silly.

---

Rosemarie, Rosemarie
so lovely under the love tree
Enjoy some of the finest tea
it's you and me and the wide open sea
Can't you see, oh Rosemarie
how true our love can be?

For all this time, you've been incomplete
Your cold heart, so softly it beats
With just one kiss, this I guarantee,
I'll set your heart free

Rosemarie, Rosemarie
so lovely in the moonlit scenery
Enjoy the finest tea with me,
sitting by the wide open sea
Do you see, oh Rosemarie
how true our love can be?

They say you're cold, but they're much colder
You're slowly fading as you grow older
Don't take kindly to their words untrue
You'll find love in another point of view
Don't be afraid, just give in
why would true love be a sin?
No matter what they say or do,
I love you, and you know you love me too

Rosemarie, Rosemarie
left me under the love tree
muttering about an insanity plea
It's such a shame she disagrees,
my beautiful lady Rosemarie
Deep inside, she longs for me
Someday, somewhere, somehow she'll see
Rosemarie, oh sweet Rosemarie
...she drank all of my tea.

~Aviva Creations

Resistance

To someone who used to be a friend. I'm sorry that our friendship has died, but I'm even more sorry about the way it happened. And how she promised me to never let go, before she even knew what she was holding on to.
If I say goodbye to her, I'll say got by to a lot of my little insecurities about not being good enough, but I'm afraid I'll also lose my sanity if I lose this girl. Even though I already lost her.
I hope my perfectionism and insecurity will die the same way our friendship did.

---

I dream less and less of your beautiful black hair
and shed less tears for this painful distance
I kept away from your special flair
and you showed no resistance

Oh, how happy you made me
A friendship that was meant to be
A hand to catch all of my tears
and whipe away my fears
Through poetry I showed to you
how special that you were to me
Then you promised me you'd always care
and it all just went downhill from there

I cannot explain it, it hurts too much,
because it's my own fault you fell out of touch
I frightened you off and then pushed you away,
whilst giving signs that I wanted you to stay
Well it breaks my heart, so let's just skip this part
It doesn't matter anyway
Just know that so often I cried for you
did you cry for me, too?

I lied myself down in a sea of silk cotton
I cried a river because you sincerely forgotten
to love me as much as I loved you
when you vowed to me that's what you'd do

Well, I would love to steer my ship without you too

I dream less and less of your dyed black hair
and cry no more for this sobered up distance
I'm pulled in by your special flair
but I'll use all my resistance...

~Aviva Creations

Escape

I wrote this awfull poem a very long time ago, when I had a very unhealthy childhood friendship where my friend and I depended on each other too much. I wanted to post this poem as some sort of closure; even though the depth of my feelings never changed. Oh, and it's not literally about running away, it's about closing yourself off from everything around you.

---

Disappear into the shadows with me
where we'll make life what we want it to be
Try to ignore the fuss and the fights
and leave behind the starless nights

And as we hold each other near,
as the only treasure we've ever held dear,
the only ones to see us
are the flowers beneath us

Because those that now surround us
already live without us
Overshadowing us like grey october clouds
filling us with anger and doubt

I promise to be here 'till the bitter end
For I cannot live without you, my friend
I only want to feel your heartbeat rise
and you'll never have to compromise
Trapped in our minds we'll stay
hold me close, as we dance the clouds away

~Aviva Creations

For your artistic needs

This is an old one. I know it seems like it's about bullying, but it's not neccessarily. To me, it's about allowing others to make a fool of you for perhaps various reasons.
It's probably something we all experience in our teenage years, as teenagers are bound to cross one another's line. It's a natural thing that teaches you to set restrictions, to stand your ground.
I suppose I have to catch up with the lessons, for I always feel awkward for ruining the fun if I tell them to stop.
I talked much too long, please enjoy the tea!

---

Paint me orange, paint me yellow
Paint me colors you find quite mellow
Paint me white or paint me black
Draw some crosses on my back
Take the ruffles, take the lace
I'm your art, I'm your disgrace
Paint me anger, paint me shame
You take the credit and I'll take the blame
Write a poem, write a story
Take your time, make your glory
Paint your kiss upon my face
Live, love, humiliate
Paint me blue and pink and green
Paint me the color you think of me
Paint me orange, paint me yellow
Paint me colors you find quite mellow
Paint me white or paint me red
It doesn't matter, I'm already dead.

~Aviva Creations

Things I hate

An old poem.

---

I hate it when this happens
I hate how it makes me I feel
I hate it when the sun shines
and how nothing you say is real

I hate it when you feel bad
I like to comfort you
(So I secretly love it when you feel sad,
so I'll have a reason to)

I hate to be among people
I hate to know that I care
I hate to be here for you,
when you are never there

I hate to write a poem,
that I must admit
It's like I'm making a puzzle,
with pieces that never fit

I hate the fact that I don't want to hate you
and I can't live on my own
I hate YOU but without you,
I'll end up being alone

~Aviva Creations