Realisation

Dear guests, may I share another one of my awfull poems?
This poem has slightly got something to do with the previous poem- well actually a lot, but I intend to deny it.
It also has to do with being dissappointed.

---

My heart stops beating at the realisation,
of the fact that you won't be there,
to read my poetry, to hear my confessions,
to see, to feel or to care

But my heart has stopped beating one time before
On the day I realised you weren't there anymore
I had to forget my very own name
as days and nights began to feel the same
But slowly, I realised, as I lost myself to them
my heart started beating once again

I realise this is a temporary state
my heart will beat again; and I'll wait

~Aviva Creations

---

You see, the first time my heart stopped beating, I wasn't as directly disappointed as I am now.
But my heart will beat once again.

Dear Isa-chan

It's about a person I held very dear in my life, but I asked too much of her. It was a very confusing time in my life. One day I couldn't take it anymore, and suggested we'd take a break from our relationship. Resulting in her falling in love with another boy.
I've felt so lost when she was gone, but she's not to blame. I am. However, I feel I should be glad. I've learned a lot from this, I'll never put someone through this again. And I really want to tell her that.

The poem ends abrubtly, I couldn't make a fitting end to it.

---

Dearest Isa-chan,

I cannot regain what is lost
but I still reach out to you
I know I really shouldn't
but something tells me to

Oh, how I've missed your smiling face
Your ebony hair and sweet embrace
You were my something that became too much
I gave my everything just to feel your touch
I remember how much your friends disliked me, and how little we did care
But they were right, I didn't treat you fair

Dear Isa-chan
One day, I met someone
She was how I used to be
and began to ask too much from me
She shoved me to the ground
Pushed and pulled me all around
I pitied the girl for being so unsure
But why couldn't I devote myself to her?
I never thought that I could break
That there were things I cannot take
I felt so incompetent
just sat and watched how it happened
that all her steps were crossing the line
but she kept telling me the fault was all mine
no, her rules did not make sense
but I took it as my punishment
'cause now I felt what you've been through
and I've been put where I've put you

I hope you've learned by now
it's never been your fault at all
It was my insecurity
devouring all the best of me
Now I've learned to live without you,
but I can't help but think about you
and see through the dustclouds of hurt;
I want to thank you for the lessons I've learned

~Aviva Creations